


Vigilance

by elaine



Series: The Vigil Series [2]
Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, M/M, Romance, Series: The Vigil Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-02-17
Updated: 1999-02-17
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine/pseuds/elaine
Summary: Ben and Ray are building their lives together when a violent attack nearly destroys everything that matters to them. Please read the introduction first.The Vigil Series.





	Vigilance

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

Vigilance

#  Vigilance

It was 5am, that time that gave rise to the phrase "it's always darkest just before the dawn", and the plaintive wail of a newly awakened and hungry baby rose from the crib just a few feet away from the narrow bed. By the time Ray had struggled out of sleep, Ben had already lifted his son out of the crib and was padding quietly across to the kitchen counter where a bottle of formula was being kept warm in a large thermos for just this eventuality. A moment later the crying stopped, to be replaced by greedy sucking noises. Ray grinned. Fraser was certainly a good feeder... 

He could see Ben, his pale body ghost-like in the darkness, drifting back towards the bed, and he shifted over to make room and sat up. Ben's weight settled beside Ray and he looked up from the small face to smile at his lover. 

"Go back to sleep Ray, you're working today, remember?" 

Ray had been taking a lot of time off work lately... first to look after Ben, and then later, to help Ben cope with the arrival of a two month old baby. Ben hadn't wanted him to do that but Ray had insisted. Sooner or later, though, they would have to find a day-care centre that would take a young baby. And pass all the rigorous requirements of two over anxious bachelors... 

Ray nuzzled his friend's ear and stayed leaning against his shoulder, watching the level of formula rapidly dropping in the bottle. 

"Kid's got good suction" he remarked lightly. "We could use him as a vacuum cleaner when he's older." 

Ben turned his head to kiss Ray gently on the temple. "Go back to sleep..." 

"I'm fine. I'm a cop aren't I? We're always working on not enough sleep. Besides, you need sleep just as much as me. You should let me do this sometimes." 

"He's my son, Ray. That makes him my responsibility." 

Ray slid away from him and lay back down. What Ben had said was perfectly true. Fraser was his son... so why did he feel so hurt by that simple statement? This was no time to start thinking about things like that, he told himself firmly, and with an ability honed by years of experience with disrupted nights, he let himself drop back into sleep. 

*

It was becoming more and more difficult for Ray to justify the amount of time he was taking off work. And spending at Ben's apartment. After all, Ben had recovered now from the shock of Victoria's death and had settled into some kind of routine with Fraser. But they were both reluctant to put the baby into day-care, so they were taking turns to stay home from work to look after him. This wasn't something that Lt Welsh could readily accept... in his view the baby was the Mountie's responsibility not Ray's. The problem was, Ray didn't see it that way at all. 

It wasn't any easier at home. Mrs Vecchio had been very supportive while Ben was ill, but didn't understand why Ray still needed to stay over at Ben's apartment almost every night. This wasn't something that Ray was keen to discuss with her, he certainly didn't want to tell her the real reason. Not when he had no idea how long this new relationship with Ben was going to last. And that was the most difficult thing of all. 

He'd never had a relationship... all right, sex... with another man. He'd thought about it once or twice, but he knew his family would never accept it, or his colleagues at work. It had never been worth taking that kind of risk. Now he'd done it. And it was far more than that. If there was one person in the world who was the missing part of his own soul it was Benton Fraser... Ray knew, soul-deep, that he would never willingly leave Ben, but would Ben even want him, once he was really over Victoria? 

They didn't talk about her at all, they didn't talk about anything to do with that terrible night when Meg Thatcher had killed Victoria to save both Ray and Ben's lives, and left Ben a complete wreck, unable to care for himself at all. Or the weeks that Ray had spent nursing him, to keep him out of the psych ward which had been the only other alternative... Ben seemed to have recovered, but Ray, with the memories of those weeks still raw, wasn't willing to take any chances on that score. It was becoming clear, though, that something would have to give. He couldn't let things slide forever. 

When he got to the apartment after work, he discovered that he would have to do something sooner than he'd expected. A very relieved Ben informed him that he would be able to take Fraser with him to the Consulate, for a while at least, until a more permanent arrangement could be made. 

"That's great, Benny. I really didn't like the idea of him going to day-care while he's still so young." 

"Yes. I was worried about that myself..." Ray couldn't help grinning, this was no news to him... "And you won't need to take any more time off work to baby-sit. I know Lt Welsh wasn't happy about it." 

"Who cares. I wanted to do it Benny. I like looking after the little guy." In fact, Ray wasn't as happy about this as he should be. He was going to miss the baby-sitting. At least he would be seeing him in the evenings. He noticed Ben was looking uncomfortable. 

"What else, Benny? Spit it out." 

"Your mother called today, on Mr Mustafi's phone. She's not very happy that you're spending so much time here." 

Uh-oh... 

"What did you tell her?" 

Ben looked even more uncomfortable. "Just that you'd been helping me with Fraser. And that I'd talk to you about it..." 

Already he didn't like the way this was going. He could tell that Ben was going to say he should leave, but maybe that was just Ben putting other people's needs ahead of his own as usual. "So talk." 

"Ray... You don't need to stay here as much as you do. I'm all right now." 

"And you don't need me anymore." Ray could feel his chest tightening. He was trying to stay calm, but every time Ben spoke in that gentle, reasonable tone his anxiety hitched itself up another notch. It didn't seem to be occurring to Ben that he should _want_ Ray to stay with him. What did that say about their relationship? 

"I don't _need_ you, Ray. You're still my best friend... you always will be." Ben was clearly at a loss. 

"So I can just go back to my normal life and forget about the last two months. Is that it Benny?" 

"Ray, what's wrong? I thought you'd be glad everything can get back to normal. That you don't have to stay here... I know you don't like this apartment." 

"That's because it's a rat-trap, Benny. But I didn't _have_ to stay here. I didn't _have_ to do anything. I could've put you in the loony bin and left Fraser to rot in a foster home. Didn't it ever occur to you that I stayed here because I _wanted_ to?" He turned away for a moment, catching his breath, and then back again. "What do you think all _that_ was about?" He gestured towards the bed. "Did you think it was because I felt sorry for you? God, Benny..." 

Ben was staring at him as though he'd grown another head and set of arms. He wanted to walk out, but the thought of losing Ben, and Fraser, was more than he could bear. They'd gotten to be so much a part of him that it was easier to think about not breathing than to imagine his life without them. He should never have let it happen he realised, Ben had needed him so much that he'd given himself without considering the consequences. And he'd known this could happen, he'd just never allowed himself to believe that it would. 

Ben came over and put his arms around Ray, drawing him in close. "I'm sorry, Ray... I'm so sorry." 

So that's how it was... Ray leaned against him for a moment, gathering the strength to move away. "It's OK... I should have known it would turn out like this... You were too messed up to think about what you were doing. I just hoped..." 

"Ray..." Ben took Ray's face between his hands, but Ray pulled away. 

"Don't Benny. It won't do any good. I'll get my stuff in a couple of days, OK?" He almost ran for the door, ignoring Ben's voice calling his name. 

*

Ray spent a miserable few days trying to pretend that everything was normal again. But it wasn't. Normal was waking up in the middle of the night to feed Fraser. Normal was sleeping next to a large, warm body in a cramped bed. Normal was coming home to a man he loved more than anything in his life, except maybe for a tiny scrap of humanity who couldn't even say his name, and now might never get the chance to learn it... It was this thought that finally drove him back to the apartment at a time when he knew Ben would be there. 

When Ben opened the door, he had Fraser cradled in the crook of one arm, wailing, and a bottle in his hand. They stared at each other speechlessly until Fraser's squeal of anger at being ignored galvanised them into action. 

Suddenly they were in each other's arms, both talking at once, and unable to understand a word the other was saying. And then they were kissing... hard, urgent, needy kisses. A small foot kicked Ray hard in the stomach and he fell back gasping. He lifted a hand to rub the sore spot and glared at the now screaming infant. 

"For God's sake feed him, Benny." 

"I've been trying to, Ray. He won't take the bottle." Ben sounded as though he was at the end of his tether. He also looked like he hadn't slept too well. 

Ray took pity on him. "Give him to me and take a break." Fraser quietened as soon as Ray took him. He glanced up at Ben, surprised, and lost no time putting the teat to Fraser's mouth, where it was snapped up immediately. 

In the sudden silence they looked at each other, but that hurt too much and Ray moved to the armchair and sat, watching Fraser's face as he suckled. He brushed away tears from the rounded cheeks with a gentle fingertip. 

"I think he's missed you, Ray. He's been very fretful since you left." Ben sounded incredibly weary. Ray looked over at him sitting on the bed. Another long exchange, and then Ben dropped his head into his hands. 

"What about _you_ , Benny? Did you miss me?" Ray's voice was ragged. 

Ben's fingers tightened on his skull. "It's not that simple, Ray." 

"Yes it is. It's very simple, Benny. Yes or no. Did you miss me?" 

"Of course I did..." Ben looked up at last, his eyes wet. "Ray what are we going to do?" 

"I don't know. But we gotta do something... I can't take another three days like this. I love you. Both of you." 

He looked down at Fraser again, sucking sleepily at an almost empty bottle. He removed the bottle gently and Fraser sighed, his mouth working a little. Ray lifted him to his shoulder and began to rub his back slowly. He was so small, so fragile. Ray lowered his face to the fine black fuzz and breathed in the baby scent of talcum powder and formula. He felt Ben sit on the arm of the chair and a hand began to stroke his cropped hair lightly. Fraser let out an enormous belch. 

They laughed then, shakily. Ben trailed behind Ray as he carried Fraser over to his crib. It was difficult to lay the baby down and pull the covers up, he didn't want to let go of him. But then Ben's arms came around him from behind, drawing him away, towards the bed. He turned inside the circle of Ben's arms, his own arms automatically sliding around Ben's waist, his mouth seeking Ben's without any prompting from his conscious mind. 

It was like the first time they'd made love. A sense of discovery, which Ray had never felt with any other lover, possessed him. There was no urgency now, it was all too profound, and he wanted to experience everything as deeply as possible. They drifted slowly towards the bed, shedding clothes as they went. Ben went down first, pulling Ray over on top of him his hands caressing Ray's almost painfully sensitised skin, warm wet kisses trailing over his tight aching nipples. Ray could have gone on like this indefinitely, but beneath him Ben's body shuddered once and then moved urgently. He managed to entangle his legs with Ben's and then twisted so that Ben was now uppermost. Ben began to thrust in earnest, drawing Ray along with him into ecstasy. 

Coming back to reality... the reality of a hot sweaty body on top of him, a narrow uncomfortable bed and a lover that nobody was going to approve of, or accept, Ray knew that making love with Ben, as glorious as it had been, had changed nothing. Or perhaps it had changed everything... But he still didn't know what to do. Ben lifted his head, his eyes focusing reluctantly, and they stared at each other, both knowing that this love, so sweet, so unexpected was going to radically, and probably painfully, change their lives forever. 

*

When Fraser woke again it was late, and they'd talked for hours without resolving anything. Ben had suggested very early on that Ray continue to live at the family house and just visit. Ray had instantly and unhesitatingly rejected this idea, why he wasn't sure, but he knew he didn't want to do that. They'd discussed getting an apartment together, with two bedrooms for appearances sake, but both of them knew that this would only delay the inevitable and put an additional strain on them that neither of them could handle right now. 

Ray was arguing that they might as well just tell everybody and get it all over with at once, when snuffling noises from the crib alerted them to the fact that Fraser was going to need another feed. Neither of them had thought to get it ready. Ben dived for the kitchen while Ray lifted Fraser out of the crib and held him as he came out of his sleep. His eyes were tracking well now, he stared at Ray and nestled against the bare chest as Ray made faces for him and tickled the cloth covered feet, hoping to keep him distracted until Ben had the formula made up. 

Ben slid into the bed, bottle in hand and Ray passed Fraser over to him. He waited until Ben settled the baby and got him started on the feed, then draped himself across Ben's shoulder and stared at the tiny face. Fraser slowly opened his eyes, staring up at his father, and then shifting to lock his gaze with Ray's. Ray was sure he saw recognition there. Was that even possible for a baby so young? He knew now why he wanted to live there... if it had been just him and Ben he could have handled the time apart, but babies grew and changed so fast, and he didn't want to miss any more of Fraser than he absolutely had to. The last three days had seemed an eternity. 

Even after Fraser had finished his bottle, been burped and had his diaper changed, Ray was still trying to come to terms with his discovery. He loved that tiny baby, there had never been any doubt about that, but somehow it seemed Fraser had laid claim to him with a finality that Ray could not deny. He hadn't the slightest wish to deny it, but the strength of it had shaken him. 

"Let me hold him for a while, Benny." He took Fraser, on the verge of sleep now, and lay down with the small body lying on his chest. Ben immediately lay beside him, on his side, one arm around Ray's waist, his chin resting against Ray's shoulder. Ray could feel the flutter of Fraser's heart against his skin and his two hands could easily span the length of that small body. He stroked the back of one tiny hand with his forefinger and then slid it underneath. Fraser's fingers closed tightly around it. He turned his head and looked at Ben, seeing an understanding there that he hadn't expected. 

"What do you want, Ray?" 

"To be with you. That's all." 

"Your family aren't going to like that... Are you sure it's worth it?" 

He nodded, unable to speak. Ben leaned over and kissed him. "We'll come with you." 

"No... I think it would be better if I went alone." Ben couldn't cope too well with his family at the best of times, and God only knew what was going to happen when he announced they were going to be living together. 

*

Usually just sitting in the Riv, listening to the husky purr of its engine made Ray feel at peace with the world, but tonight he didn't feel that way at all. It was dark, well after dinner time. He'd stayed late at the Precinct deliberately, knowing he couldn't eat a thing and that there was no question of him telling his family over the dinner table. The cheerful chaos of mealtimes would have made that impossible, even if the kids hadn't been there. It was time to face the music. He switched off the engine and reluctantly climbed out of the car. 

His feet seemed to drag as he walked slowly up the path to the porch, wanting at every step to turn and run back to the sanctuary of his car. The rattle of his key in the lock brought his mother into the hallway, but he avoided her gaze, making a production out of removing his coat and hanging it in the closet. 

"Have you eaten, caro?" 

"Yeah, I got something at the diner, Ma. I'm fine." He couldn't evade her forever... he took a deep breath and turned. 

"Where were you last night, Raimondo? You didn't come back." 

"I went to see Benny... Fraser wasn't too great, so I stayed over to give him a hand..." He nodded towards the lounge. "The others in there?" 

"Si. Come through." His mother looked serious, almost grim, and he began to wonder if she'd guessed what was happening between him and Benny. He couldn't imagine what she would be thinking, if that was the case. 

The television was blaring, some new game show he thought, while Frannie and Maria yelled encouragement to a favoured contestant and Tony dozed in an armchair. Ray dropped into another armchair and tried to muster some interest in the show, anything to put off the inevitable, but he was too restless to focus on what was happening on the screen. Finally he looked over at his mother and found her watching him. 

"Ma we gotta talk..." 

"Si. Turn off the television." Her face was even grimmer than before. 

The others hadn't noticed what was happening and there was an outcry when he switched off the show, loud enough to wake Tony. 

"Why'd ya do that? There was a thousand dollars riding on that question!" 

Ray ignored Maria's objection. "I got something to tell ya all." 

"Can't it wait? We can still catch the end of the show." 

"No, it _can't_ wait Frannie. Geez, is that stuff all you care about?" 

"Ma!" But Frannie's appeal fell on deaf ears. 

"Well, Raimondo? What do you have to tell us?" 

Suddenly they were all looking at him. He swallowed past a sudden tightness in his throat. 

"It's about me and... and Benny. And Fraser." He was shaking suddenly, it seemed impossible that he could tell them this, but he forced himself to continue. "You know how much I... care about them... about Benny..." 

"He's your best friend, of course you care about him. So what?" Frannie subsided at her mother's glance. 

"So I love him. That's what" His annoyance with her gave him the impetus to get that out. 

Tony joined in for the first time. "You love him like a brother, right?" 

"No, not like a brother, damn it. I love him. Period. I love him and I'm gonna live with him." 

For once the Vecchio household was in complete silence. His mother, two sisters, and brother-in-law were staring at him as though they'd never seen him before. Perhaps, in a sense, they hadn't. 

Not surprisingly, it was Frannie who reacted first. Ray had suspected that she'd never entirely given up hope of getting Ben, now he was sure of it. 

"Whaddaya mean? You and _Benton_? Are you crazy? He'd _never_ do that!" 

Before he got a chance to reply, Maria joined in... "It's not true _._ It can't be true, why are you doing this to us?" 

"I'm not doing anything to you Maria. I told ya. I love him, and I'm going to live with him." 

"Don't you talk to my wife like that!" 

"Like what? What did I say?" 

They all started talking at once, except for his mother. He tried to keep his cool, but failed miserably... He was yelling as loud as any of them, but still painfully aware of his mother's silence. After a while he couldn't stand it any more. 

"Hang on, _hang on_!" He stood up and yelled at the top of his voice and the others quietened for a moment. Before they could start again, he turned to his mother. "Ma? Are you going to say anything?" 

"What is there to say, Raimondo? You have made your choice, no?" 

"Yeah, but..." Her calmness was more frightening than everyone else's anger. Ray could feel his heart pounding, his chest tightening so he could hardly breathe. 

"You know what the Church teaches, Raimondo." 

"Ma..." he couldn't get any more out. Even the others were staring dumbfounded at their mother. 

She looked at him for a long moment, tears gathering in her eyes, but her voice was firm. "You are not my son any more." 

"No!" This was worse than anything he could have imagined. "Ma, please... don't do this... can't we talk?" 

"You must give him up, Raimondo. You must never see him again. Or you must leave this family." 

"I can't..." he whispered the words, too shocked to speak normally. "You don't know... I _can't_ leave him." 

"Then go to him. But do not come here again." 

*

It was after midnight and there was still no sign of Ray. Ben was almost frantic with worry. He'd tried to call Ray's cell phone, but it was switched off. Then he'd rung the Vecchio household. Francesca had answered and hung up as soon as he spoke. He should have insisted on accompanying Ray. He was tempted to go out searching for Ray, but the thought of him coming back to an empty apartment was enough to make him change his mind. 

Fraser was fretful again, no doubt picking up on his own tension. He paced up and down with the baby against his shoulder, singing under his breath and worrying. When the door opened he put Fraser in his crib, for once more concerned about Ray than his son. 

Ray looked terrible, his face seemed drawn, thinner, though it was only a few hours since Ben had last seen him. His eyes were glazed, but when Ben got close to him there was no smell of alcohol on his breath. Ben put his arms around Ray drawing him into a gentle embrace, felt him begin to tremble, and then Ray pulled away. 

"Ray, what happened? I've been worried about you." 

"It didn't go too well, Benny." Ray's voice was so subdued it could hardly be heard. He went over to the window avoiding Ben's gaze. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now. I'm tired." 

Ben went over and put his arms around Ray again, from behind. This time Ray didn't move away, but he didn't respond either. Ben brushed the back of his neck with his lips, feeling terribly helpless in the face of Ray's obvious pain. Eventually he was able to lead Ray over to the bed and undress him. 

Lying in the dark, holding him, Ben tried to imagine what could have happened. Ray had been expecting it to be difficult to tell his family about them, but obviously it had been much worse than he'd anticipated. He wondered if he should go to see them, but that might only make things worse. He'd have to find out from Ray what had happened. 

*

When Fraser woke for his early feed, Ben was surprised to find Ray already on his way to the crib, bottle in hand. He suspected that Ray hadn't slept at all. Ray brought Fraser back to the bed and Ben wrapped his arms around him and kissed him gently on the cheek. Afterwards they lay down with Fraser still in Ray's arms. He seemed to need to hold the baby so Ben lay watching, careful to stay awake in case Ray slept. 

It was becoming light before Ray stirred. "Benny..." 

"Yes, love?" 

But Ray just looked at him, his grey-green eyes so full of pain that Ben wanted to kiss him and reassure him that everything would be all right. But he couldn't. 

*

Two days had gone by and Ray still hadn't told him what had happened that night. In fact he'd hardly spoken at all. Whenever Fraser was awake, he'd play with the baby and take care of everything... feeding, changing and washing him... avoiding Ben as much as possible. Refusing to talk about anything more serious than the weather. 

Ben was cooking dinner. That worried him too. Usually Ray wouldn't let him cook, having a very unflattering opinion of his abilities, but then Ray wasn't eating much anyway. Ray was lying on the floor, his Armani pants collecting dust and wolf hairs unnoticed, playing with Fraser, encouraging him to reach for his fluffy bunny. Dief was there too, watching closely for a chance to steal it, he was completely obsessed with the toy for some reason. 

Ben abandoned his cooking efforts, drying his hands on a towel. He went over and lay on the floor beside Ray, snatching the bunny from his hands and laying it on Fraser's chest where the baby managed to grab hold of an ear and crowed with delight. He caught hold of Ray's shoulder, turning him onto his back, putting a hand to his cheek so he couldn't look away. 

"Talk to me, Ray." 

Ray just looked at him, his beautiful eyes full of misery, his face carefully blank. He was desperate to find a way to reach Ray before his pain overwhelmed them both. 

Perhaps actions really did speak louder than words... He leaned over him, capturing his lips in the gentlest of kisses and slid his hand over the front of Ray's silk shirt, feeling the warmth of his body through the soft cloth. After a moment Ray's lips parted slightly and Ben deepened the kiss a little, taking it slowly. His fingers strayed to the buttons on Ray's shirt, slipping one then another free, sliding his hand inside, over skin as sleek and silky as the cloth that covered it. Ray moaned softly against Ben's mouth, seeming to respond almost against his will. 

Ben was nervous about going any further, Ray hadn't shown any interest in making love since the confrontation with his family and Ben didn't want to push him too far. He continued with the gentle probing kisses and touches until Ray relaxed against him and brought his hands up to slide through his hair. 

Encouraged, Ben continued his unbuttoning of Ray's shirt, moving his hand down over Ray's chest, circling the puckered nipple, stroking it to hardness. His lips drifted slowly down Ray's throat, pausing now and then, lingering in the hollow at the base to slide his tongue over the sensitive skin. He heard a faint sigh from Ray as he slid the shirt off one shoulder and began to nibble softly at the fragile arch of his collarbone. 

"Benny..." 

He lifted his head to meet Ray's quiet, sad look. "I love you, Ray." 

He could have groaned aloud at the triteness of it, but somehow it was what Ray needed. A faint, almost reluctant, smile tugged at his lips and he drew Ben's head down to his breast. Ben kissed him gently, just below the dark nipple, then slowly sucked it between his lips. Ray remained passive under his touch, accepting but not responding as Ben's hand slowly caressed him, moving under the thin shirt. 

Keeping every sense alert to Ray's responses, Ben withdrew his hand and began to unbuckle his belt. Ray seemed to be OK with that, so he unfastened the zipper and slid his hand inside, exploring the heavy arousal he found there. Ray shifted against his hand with an involuntary push of his hips and Ben pushed down the thin briefs and curled his fingers around the long slender shaft, slowly caressing it. Tremors were coursing through Ray's body and his breathing had become ragged under the slow steady onslaught, Ben felt it was time to take things further. He realised that he knew exactly what he wanted to do. 

He took his hand, unwillingly, from Ray's cock and freed himself from the increasingly uncomfortable confines of his uniform pants, then drew Ray pants down off his hips, planting a kiss on the taut belly showing beneath the rucked up shirt. He began to stroke the tight, dark balls, moving down even further between Ray's legs, brushing lightly along the cleft of Ray's ass. There was a shaken gasp from behind his head and he turned it to look at his lover. 

Ray's eyes seemed huge, and he moved to take him in his arms and reassure him with a lingering kiss. His hands never stopped moving, arousing but not satisfying Ray's need, until Ray would have agreed to almost anything. They'd never done this before, but Ben wanted, needed, to claim Ray in a way that was unmistakable and he was sure that Ray needed it just as badly. He turned Ray gently onto his side, facing away and pressed himself close against his ass. His own cock was trembling with long contained need. 

Ray's whole body tensed but it took a moment for Ben to realise what had happened. He had taken Ray's cock tightly in his hand and was pumping it in time to his own short thrusts against Ray's ass. 

"Benny! We can't... not like this..." 

"Why...?" Ben could hear the hoarseness of his own voice. 

"Fraser." Ray was staring at him urgently over his shoulder, his face showing his desire. 

Ben glanced across at his son... he was sleepily blinking his eyes and not even looking in their direction. Dief had wandered off to the other side of the room. The bunny was nowhere in sight. "Ray, he's three months old. He doesn't know what we're doing." 

"It doesn't feel right." 

Ben sighed. He pulled his pants together and stepped over Ray's body to scoop up the baby and carry him to his crib. He grabbed the bottle of baby oil on the way back. 

"Is that better?" 

Ray nodded, eyes still serious, but he managed a small smile. He looked so gorgeous lying there, his pants down around his knees, his shirt pushed up almost to his waist and falling away from one shoulder. Ben dropped down beside him, his own need forgotten and began to cover him with slow wet kisses until Ray pulled his head up. 

"God, Benny... if you're going to do what I think you are... you'd better hurry..." 

"Do you want me to, Ray?" 

Ray swallowed nervously and nodded. Ben squirted a few drops of oil onto his fingers and began to massage it into the puckered opening, feeling the involuntary contraction at his touch. He slid a finger carefully inside, watching Ray's face all the time, but there was no alarm showing there. He added another finger, sliding deeper, searching for the prostate, rubbing gently against it. Ray shuddered and moved against his hand. 

Ben withdrew his fingers and rolled Ray onto his side, putting more oil into the palm of his hand and spreading it over his cock. He shivered in anticipation as he pressed closer, carefully guiding his cock into his lover's body. Once there, he was overwhelmed by the sensation of being so tightly held. He brushed his lips across the back of Ray's neck, feeling only tenderness. It couldn't last though, soon Ray was shaking with need and Ben was infected by his urgency. They began to move awkwardly at first and then they found each other's rhythm. Ben grasped Ray's cock as his thrusts pushed Ray's body forward. Ray's hands closed over his. 

He felt the contractions of Ray's body even before Ray cried out, his cock began pumping wildly into the hot depths. Ray was climaxing with him, the way he always wanted it to be. 

*

It was like coming back from a long journey. The feel of Ben's body inside him was the only thing that tied him to reality, and as he felt it loosen and slide free, he was flooded with regret. For that brief time he'd felt safe, secure in Ben's love for him... but soon he realised that he hadn't lost that feeling, it was still there, just not as strong. He turned in Ben's arms and met the anxious, loving look with a tired smile. He could tell that Ben felt it too, that sense of connection, but that, he now realised, was what Ben had intended all along. 

"Did I hurt you, Ray?" Ben's soft whisper was full of tenderness, healing some of the hurt places inside him. 

He shook his head, though it wasn't entirely true, he could feel the first twinges of what would probably be a considerable discomfort when the afterglow of their love-making faded. But what mattered was that feeling of security they'd established between them. A feeling that had been entirely lacking in his life these last few days. It gave him the strength he needed to tell Ben what had happened the night he'd told his family they were lovers. 

*

They didn't sleep much that night. There was too much to talk about, too much need to comfort and be comforted. Ben had kept Fraser in the bed with them after his early morning feed, knowing that neither of them would sleep now, and held both the baby and Ray in his arms. He was still shocked beyond belief at Mrs Vecchio's ultimatum. He'd even tried to convince Ray to leave, though it would have broken his heart if Ray had done so. 

But it seemed that Ray had already made his choice, and, however much suffering it might cause him, he was not going to go back on his decision. Ben stroked Ray's back gently, in much the same way he did with Fraser. Perhaps his thought communicated itself somehow... a moment later Ray lifted his head. They exchanged a long stare, then Ray spoke quietly. 

"Benny... you and Fraser... you're all the family I have now..." 

Ben tightened his arms, the simple statement moved him deeply. For two years he'd been alone, the last of his family, now he had a son, and Ray. It was more than he'd ever dared to hope for. 

*

Ben hesitated outside the doors of the Bullpen. It was the first time he'd been there since Victoria had come back into his life. He'd been avoiding it for a number of reasons, but now he was more concerned about Ray than about how he'd be received. He glanced down at Fraser in the carrier. He was awake, quietly observing the scenery. Ben took a deep breath and pushed the doors open. 

By the time he was halfway to Ray's desk, he'd been surrounded by every woman in the room, all exclaiming over Fraser. Fraser didn't seem to mind, even when Elaine lifted him out of the carrier and held him in her arms. He wasn't there long. Ray sauntered over and detached him from Elaine, holding him up at face height. 

"Hey, Fraser! How's my man?" 

Fraser gurgled delightedly and for once Ben found himself on the outskirts of a group of admiring females while Ray was in the centre. It was a relief, of course. Still it was a little disconcerting too. He felt a light touch on his arm and turned. It was Lt Welsh. 

"A word with you, Constable." 

*

Welsh didn't like doing this, it wasn't any part of his job to nose around in his officers' private lives, but he was worried about Vecchio's attitude lately. So when he'd seen Fraser in the Bullpen, he'd taken the opportunity he'd been offered. Once they were in his office, Welsh came straight to the point. 

"Vecchio's requested that you be listed as his next of kin on his personnel files. He's also named you as his beneficiary." 

"Oh." Fraser was obviously trying to find something non-committal to say. "I wasn't aware of that, sir." 

"Do you know why he's done it, Constable?" 

"We haven't discussed it, sir. Anything I said would only be conjecture. Have you asked Ray?" 

"He told me to mind my own business." His voice was sour. Fraser kept tactfully silent. "Strictly speaking, he's got every right to tell me to butt out... but I've been concerned about him lately. If there's something going on that's affecting his ability to perform his duties, I want to know about it. I don't want him getting himself killed out there." 

"Would you like me to talk to him, sir?" 

Welsh looked at him measuringly. "I don't think so, Constable." He went over to the door and pulled it open. "Vecchio! Get in here." 

Vecchio handed the baby over to Elaine and came into his office. The two men looked at each other fleetingly, something was going on, no doubt about that. 

"I want to know what's going on. Your mind's not on your work, Vecchio and that's dangerous." 

"With all due respect, sir..." 

"Just spill it, Vecchio. You're not leaving this office till I have an answer." 

Vecchio looked mutinous, folded his arms across his chest. He looked like he was ready to stay all day and all night too if necessary. 

"Constable, you're involved in this too. What's happening?" 

Vecchio's voice cut across Fraser's hesitant denial. "Leave him out of it!" 

He could have cut the tension with a knife. Fraser and Vecchio exchanged glances. "Ray... I think you should..." 

Vecchio glared at them both. "The two of us are screwing around, OK? My family don't like it, they told me to get lost. That what you want to know?" 

He turned and stalked out of the office, leaving behind a stunned silence. Fraser cast an apologetic glance in Welsh's direction and went after him. 

*

"Ray!" He caught up to Ray at the door. 

"What!" 

He caught Ray's arm. "I know you're upset, but was it really necessary to be so..." His voice trailed off at Ray's angry look. 

"So... what? So _rude_? God forbid I should be rude! What did you tell him?" 

People were staring at them, he tried to guide Ray out into the hallway, but Ray wouldn't budge. 

"I didn't tell him anything, Ray. It's not hard to see that something's bothering you. And he wanted to know why you'd made me your next of kin." 

The anger seemed to drain out of Ray and he slumped against the door frame. "I'm sorry, Benny. It's not your fault.. I just lost it." 

He put a hand on Ray's shoulder, the most he dared do, here. "We'll get through this, Ray. Together." 

"Yeah." Ray sounded tired, defeated. He looked over Ben's shoulder. "They're all gonna find out, aren't they?" 

"Sooner or later. Does that bother you?" 

Ray shrugged. "I'm not ashamed of how I feel about you, Benny, but I know what'll happen when people find out about us. It ain't gonna be pleasant." 

*

Ray's words haunted him. He wasn't worried about what would happen at the Consulate when they found out. Meg would understand, he thought, though she wouldn't like it. His job wouldn't be affected at all. And he didn't have any family to be upset. Neither did Ray now. He pushed that thought away, there was nothing he could do... he'd seriously considered going to see Mrs Vecchio, but Ray was still so fragile, and he was afraid to do anything to upset his precarious balance. 

He wondered what had prompted Ray's decision, whether it had been purely motivated by concern for him and Fraser or had been some kind of defiant gesture. It made sense, though. Ray was already his next of kin, had been for nearly a year, but Fraser... He'd have to discuss it with Ray first. 

He found it incredibly difficult to bring the subject up. In fact he found it impossible at first, until finally Ray asked him what was bothering him, though not quite in those words... 

"So who pissed on your Wheaties this morning?" 

He stared, stunned at the crudeness of it. But it was an opening and he took it. "I wanted to talk to you about Fraser." 

Ray looked alarmed. "Is something wrong?" 

"No, not at all. I was just concerned... You're already my next of kin, but I'm not sure what the legal position would be if anything happened to me." 

"Oh. So?" Ray was looking at him strangely, he couldn't interpret the mixture of emotions on the expressive face he loved so much. 

"So... I was wondering if I could make you his legal guardian, in the event of my death." 

It wasn't what Ray had wanted to hear, he could tell that immediately. Ray's face went quite blank and then, deliberately casual... "Sure, it makes sense. Don't want the little fella going to an orphanage or a foster home." 

This wasn't going the way he'd thought it would, and he didn't know what he'd done. But he'd done something. A panicky feeling was growing in his gut, not an unfamiliar feeling these days. Sometimes it seemed to him that everything he said was wrong, hurting Ray or making him angry. And he never knew why. "Did I say something wrong, Ray?" 

Ray looked at him, his face guarded now. "I dunno. Did you? You work it out." 

*

He never did find out what he'd done, though God knew he tried. Ray simply refused to discuss it saying that if he didn't know, there wasn't anything to be said about it. 

They went to a lawyer and had the papers drawn up, giving Ray full guardianship in the event of Ben's death. And Ben told his superior officer about his relationship with Ray. 

She took it calmly, on the outside at least, though he couldn't help wondering. If Victoria hadn't come back, he might eventually have become her lover. But that was over now, and he had no regrets. He loved Ray with a passion that still had the power to surprise him. And Ray had given up everything for him. 

*

It was obvious there was something bothering Ray, but he wasn't saying much about work, and he'd discouraged Ben from going there as much as he possibly could. In spite of that, Ben decided it was time he found out what was going on. 

He waited for Elaine in the hallway, he'd left Fraser at the Consulate being baby-sat by Ovitz, not without some misgiving on his part, but it was necessary. She came past eventually, her head down, leafing through some files. He cleared his throat as she came close and she jumped, then smiled. "Oh, hi, Frase..." 

He smiled back at her. "You'd better call me Ben. Otherwise it could get very confusing." 

"OK... Ben." 

"May I have a word with you please, Elaine?" 

"Sure." She smiled again, a little warily. 

He noted this with some dismay and indicated the only place it was possible to use for a private conversation. The closet. Elaine blushed. 

Once inside, he came straight to the point. "I would appreciate it if you could give me some information." 

"What do you want to know, Ben?" 

He took a deep breath. "Has anything been said about Ray and myself? Of a personal nature, that is." 

She didn't speak immediately, and he knew what the answer would be. "It's true then?" 

"Yes. I'm sorry." He knew very well how she felt about him, even though they both knew nothing would ever have happened between them... and she was a good friend. 

She sighed. "Well, you know what they say..." 

"I'm afraid I don't." 

He could hear the smile in her voice. "All the good men are married or gay." 

"Oh!" It was strange to think of himself as gay, but he supposed it was accurate enough. It wasn't anything he would like to mention to Ray though. "Is anything being said to Ray?" 

"No, more like behind his back." 

Oh dear. "Is it very bad, Elaine?" 

"Well... some of it. His friends are standing up for him, but they all know he's living with you, and that he doesn't see his family anymore." 

"And Ray?" 

"He's like a bear with a sore head. Very grouchy, keeps to himself." 

"He's the same at home." He hadn't meant to say that, and regretted it immediately. But he saw Elaine lean forward in the dimness of the closet and lay her hand on his arm. 

"It's tough for him. He's not the kind to make things easy for himself either. You know." 

He did. Ray was brooding over every slight, imagined or real and it was driving them both crazy. He needed to be able to do something, but for the life of him, he couldn't think of a single thing. 

"I'd better go. Ray doesn't want me to come here. I don't want him to see me." 

Unfortunately, Ray was walking past as they came out of the closet. He stopped dead at the sight of them. 

"Oh. Hello, Ray... I was just, um, talking with Elaine." 

"In the closet." 

"Ah... yes..." 

"Great. I'll see ya later." He walked off. 

Ben stared after him unhappily. "Oh, dear." 

Elaine smiled. "Don't worry, I'll talk to him." 

"You won't tell him, uh..." 

"I'll be the soul of discretion, trust me." She reached up to kiss his cheek, just as Ray reached the door and glanced back at them. 

*

Ben was expecting trouble when he got home and he got it. Ray was cooking dinner and barely acknowledged him when he came in. He laid Fraser in his crib and went over to the kitchen area. Ray continued to chop vegetables, ignoring him. He hated this tension between them, and there had been far too much of it lately. He hated the helpless feeling he always got when Ray withdrew behind a sullen mask, shutting him out. 

"Ray? Do you want to discuss this?" 

"No, I _don't_ want to discuss this! What's the point? You _know_ I don't want you coming around to the Precinct, but you came anyway. So tell me, Benny, what's the point in discussing anything with you?" 

"Ray, I went to the Precinct because I was... concerned about you. You haven't been very happy lately and you wouldn't talk to me about it. I thought it might be something at work." It was all coming out wrong. He knew he was no good at dealing with these kind of confrontations, something inside him seemed to shrivel every time Ray got angry with him and he could never just say what he felt. He loved Ray so much, but he never seemed to be able to put that love into words. He could see Ray's shoulders tighten. His words had only made things worse. 

"Sure, and I suppose you thought that turning up like that would make everything OK. Well, it didn't! Geez, Benny, you don't have to fix everything! I'm a big boy now, I can damn well look after myself!" 

"I'm sorry, Ray. I was only trying to help you..." 

"Well don't!" Ray turned, brandishing the chopping knife in Ben's face. "And what the hell were you doing in the closet with Elaine, anyway?" 

It was an effort to speak calmly with the knife only inches from his face. "Put the knife down, Ray. Please." 

Ray looked at the knife in his hand as though he had no idea how it had got there. Maybe he didn't. He put it on the kitchen counter. "Well?" 

"Well what, Ray?" 

"Why were you in the closet with Elaine?" 

"I wanted to talk with her privately..." He hesitated, looking guilty, knowing Ray wouldn't like it if he knew he was discussing their relationship with Elaine. 

Ray turned back to the bench, hunching his shoulder, obviously not mollified in the slightest. "Don't lie to me Benny. You're no good at it. If you're gonna cheat on me, just tell me." 

"Cheat... Ray, _surely_ you don't believe..." Ben trailed to a halt, too shocked to continue. 

"Why not? Did you ever sleep with a man before me? Maybe you're just tired of it. Maybe I can't give you what you want. Why shouldn't you want to sleep with a woman?" 

"Is that what _you_ want?" He wondered, sickeningly, if Ray was talking about his own feelings. 

Ray turned on him furiously. "This isn't about me! Don't you be trying to put this onto me, Benny. I wasn't in the closet with Elaine." 

"Ray, you can't _possibly_ believe that I'm having an affair with Elaine. You know I've never thought about her like that." Ben could hear the desperation in his voice, he'd never thought that Ray would doubt him so deeply. 

"I don't know Benny. How _should_ I know?" 

"Because I love _you_." 

Ray grabbed him by the arms. "Do you? Do you love me?" His fingers tightened painfully. "As much as Victoria?" 

He gasped, feeling as though he'd been punched in the gut, and Ray released him. They both looked away unable to meet the other's eyes. The only sound he could hear was his own ragged breathing. He stumbled away from Ray towards the window. The same window where he'd stood and waited for Victoria the night he'd realised that she'd betrayed him. 

"You still love her." Ray's voice, flat and hard, startled him. 

"No." 

"God, Benny, just look at you. I only have to say her name and you fall apart. You still love the bitch. You always will." 

"No!" 

For a moment the apartment was different, darker, colder... for three incredible days and nights this apartment had been their haven... they had made love in that bed... the same bed that he and Ray made love in now. He was shaking, his arms wrapped tightly about his body, holding the pain in. He couldn't look at Ray, instead he turned away and went to sit on the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands. 

"If Meg hadn't shot her, you would have gone with her, wouldn't you?" The anger had gone from Ray's voice, leaving only pain. 

"No. I had no intention of going with her. It was over. She just wouldn't believe it." 

"She wasn't the only one who didn't believe it, Benny. _None_ of us believed it. And then Meg shot her and you went to pieces." 

He had no answer for that. 

"Damn it, Benny, I nursed you for nearly a month. I washed you, fed you, even wiped your ass for you. You wanted to die too. The only thing that stopped you was Fraser. Not me. You didn't care enough about _me_ to want to go on living, did you?" 

"It wasn't like that... you don't understand..." And he didn't know how to explain what had been in his mind during that nightmarish time. Wasn't even entirely sure himself of that... 

"Damn right I don't. But I understand one thing. If I died, you wouldn't act like that, would you?" 

It was beginning to make sense to him now... Ray was jealous of Victoria... and why shouldn't he be? He'd been willing to leave everything that mattered to him to go with Victoria, including Ray. And Ray must be wondering how he could possibly compete with a dead woman. Would Ray ever believe him if he told him there was no need, that there never had been? He dropped his hands but didn't look up, though he could tell Ray had come over and was standing just a few feet away. 

"I wouldn't have that luxury now, Ray..." 

"Because of Fraser." 

"Yes... But you're right. And wrong too..." He heard Ray's sharp intake of breath, sensed his movement, stifled immediately. He carried on, hearing a strange kind of desperation in his voice, his fear of losing Ray overriding every self-protective instinct. 

"It wasn't love, Ray. I thought it was, perhaps Victoria did too, but it wasn't love... Obsession, maybe, I don't know... I only know that the night you shot me, when I saw her leaving on that train... I just couldn't bear the thought of going through all that pain again. I couldn't bear to lose her because I thought she was the only woman I would ever love. And when she came back... I didn't want her, Ray, but... I didn't know how to let go of her, either. She said once, about Jolly, that the only way to end their relationship was with one of them dead. I think that was true about us as well." 

Ray hadn't made a sound. He glanced up and saw so much pain on the drawn face that he had to look away again before he could continue. 

"If you died... or if I lost you somehow... I wouldn't try to die. Even if Fraser weren't here, I wouldn't. I'd carry on living, Ray, but something inside of me would be lost. Something I didn't know existed until I met you. And I don't think I'd ever recover it again, because nobody I've ever met has made me feel the way I do when I'm with you." 

Still Ray said nothing. He made himself look up and saw Ray standing there, his jaw hanging open and with an expression of such longing on his face that it took his breath away. He stood and went over to him. Ray made a small hurt sound as he gathered him into his arms. 

"You make me feel _whole_ , Ray. You make me feel like it matters that I'm alive. Never, ever doubt that I love you. Never." 

*

"Benny?" 

"Mmmh hmm?" 

"Maybe we could get a bigger bed..." 

*

Ray knew the moment he came into the Bullpen. It was Ben's day off and they'd arranged to go shopping for a bed in Ray's lunch break. He took a quick glance and saw Ben talking to Elaine and that new civilian aid, whose name he couldn't remember. 

He grinned to himself, she had the same look on her face that every woman got the first time she met Ben. It wouldn't last, he was sure. Every time he went near her she started to look like a rabbit caught in the headlights and found an excuse to get away as fast as possible... she must have heard the talk. Soon enough she'd know about Ben too. He didn't care about that anymore, let them talk, he had Benny and that was all that mattered. 

Ben was coming over to his desk now and he paused in his work to admire the view. Jeans, that blue long-sleeved T-shirt the same colour as his eyes and a leather jacket. It didn't get much better than that. Not while he had clothes on, at least. 

"Hey Benny. Where's Fraser?" 

Ben sat beside the desk. "Mrs Gamez offered to look after him. I thought it would make shopping easier." 

"Great. I'll be ready in a minute." He put his hand over Ben's where it lay on his desk while he finished reading the file he'd typed so laboriously. 

A couple of minutes later he was done. He got up, pulled on his jacket and steered Ben to the door with an arm thrown casually across his shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that new girl... Shelley, he remembered suddenly with a touch of triumph... staring at them, her mouth hanging open. 

*

Ray snored softly. 

When the shop assistant had offered to have the bed delivered within the hour, Ray had wanted to buy the bed linen immediately so they could sleep in it that night. While Ben had agreed in principle that new sheets would be necessary, for the ones he had were far too small for the new bed, he'd been shocked at the prices Ray was prepared to pay. Surely they could get plain white sheets from a department store at less than half the price. And Ray had insisted on getting a top of the line goosedown duvet as well. 

He had to admit the effect was nice though. Ray had, after intense consultation with yet another shop assistant, chosen an elegant design in rich dark tones, with matching sheets and pillow slips. Ben had been aware of the covert attention directed towards the sight of two men choosing bed linen together. He'd never thought of buying sheets as an intimate experience before. It hadn't bothered him, at least not much, and Ray had been enjoying himself. 

Then Ray had decided to drop the purchases off at the apartment before heading back to work. By then the bed had arrived... the rest was inevitable. 

He hadn't really felt the need for a new bed, but Ray had obviously thought it important, another one of those social rituals that he hadn't known about. He noted that they were tangled together taking up no more space than they had occupied in the old bed. Still, it was nice to be able to make love without worrying about falling out of bed altogether. The last time he'd done that, he'd bruised his left buttock quite painfully. 

Ray stirred in his sleep and Ben, his head in the exact centre of Ray's chest, rode the wave of his sigh, a smile on his face. 

*

It was seven am when they woke, and for a moment Ray couldn't think what was wrong. Then Ben flung himself out of the bed and over to Fraser's crib. Fraser! He hadn't woken them during the night, the first time ever. But when he reached the crib, Ben was looking down at the peacefully sleeping baby. 

"He's fine, Ray. He just slept right through." 

Ray wrapped his arms around Ben, both their hearts were pounding and he felt weak with relief. "So. No more two am feeds, huh?" 

"Looks like it, Ray. He'll be hungry when he wakes, though." 

Which wouldn't be long by the look of it. They separated, Ben to go to the kitchen for the formula, Ray to start dressing. When he came back from the bathroom Ben was sitting on the edge of the bed, still naked, feeding Fraser. It made for a pretty sight. But a quick glance at his watch told him they'd both be late if they didn't hurry, Fraser still needed to be bathed, diapered and dressed. And though Ben would look wonderful standing sentry duty naked he couldn't see Meg approving of that, he thought regretfully. 

"I'll give Fraser his bath, you'd better get dressed, Benny." 

"Then you'll be late, Ray. I'll take care of it. You go to work." 

Ray groaned internally, not that again. His nerves were still jangling from the fright Fraser had given him, he really didn't need this. "Look, Benny, if we hurry we'll only be a few minutes late. If we do it your way, you'll be really late." 

Ben was busily burping Fraser. "You shouldn't have to be late at all, Ray. He's not your responsibility." 

"Oh, for God's sake... give him here!" He took Fraser out of Ben's arms and took him over to where the bathing things were set up. It didn't take long, not when he skimped, and he soon had Fraser wrapped in a towel ready to be dried and dressed. He was still alternately muttering under his breath and making faces for Fraser when Ben came over and took control again. 

"I'll finish this, why don't you just go? You should be able to get to the Precinct in time." 

"To hell with the Precinct, Benny! What's the _matter_ with you?" 

"Nothing's wrong, Ray. I just don't see why you should have to be put out because of Fraser." 

Ray stared at him incredulously. Still shaken, his temper came suddenly to boiling point. "No. You don't see, do you? You don't see much of anything. Well, screw you." 

He walked out of the apartment without bothering to pick up his jacket or his keys. 

*

It was nearly five minutes before Ben finished getting Fraser dressed and ready to go outdoors, then he took off after Ray. Dief trotted along just ahead, leading the way to the park. Ray was sitting on a bench not far from the entrance, his elbows on his knees, staring down at his clasped hands. He didn't look up as Ben sat beside him. 

Ben sensed that Ray needed time, so he sat in silence, half turned towards him, Fraser on his lap. He could see the tension in Ray's body, the brooding sadness in his face and had to quell his immediate instinct to comfort him. If he did that he might never find out what the problem was. Finally Ray sighed and turned his head to look at him. 

"You're always shutting me out, Benny. I hate it when you do that." 

Ben was startled, he hadn't been aware of doing it. "I'm sorry, Ray. I know I'm not good at expressing myself, but..." 

"It's not that..." Ray straightened and lifted Fraser onto his own lap. "It's the way you shut me out with Fraser." 

"Ray, I _don't_. I know how much you love him." 

" _Do_ you, Benny? He's as important to me as you are, did you know that?" 

He hadn't. He could see Ray register that fact, then his head was bowed over Fraser's. "How do you think it feels when you tell me not to do something for him because he's your responsibility?" 

"I just don't want to take advantage of you... take you for granted." 

"It's not like that, Benny. Not with _family_." 

He thought suddenly that he understood . Family was so important to Ray, and it was a concept he could barely grasp, certainly not in any sense that Ray would be familiar with. Ray had tried to tell him once, he realised, but he hadn't recognised the significance of it, now he was beginning to. 

"I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't think... my family was very different from yours." He remembered going to his grandparents to live, he'd felt like an intruder in their lives and had quickly learnt to do as much as possible for himself so he didn't have to keep feeling that way. It hadn't been their fault. They hadn't asked to be saddled with a motherless child at their age, but they'd done the best they could for him. All his life it had been a point of honour and pride for him not to need anybody's help, at least not for the basics of daily living. He tried, stumblingly, to explain, but it was so ingrained in him that he hadn't even thought about it in years. 

"Benny..." Ray leaned forward to place a hand gently over his mouth. "I get it, OK? But you don't have to be like that with me." 

"Understood, Ray." He managed a smile. It occurred to him that a lot of the tensions in their relationship had been about this, he just hadn't realised at the time. And he hadn't realised how Ray felt about Fraser. That was unforgivable. 

"So, we're partners, Benny? At home as well as at work? We share responsibility, for Fraser and everything else?" 

"Of course, Ray." He wanted, quite desperately, to kiss Ray and hold him in his arms, but he couldn't, not here in a public park where anybody might see them. He watched as Ray lifted Fraser and stood. 

"We better get going, Benny." 

*

Ben hadn't been able to stop thinking about what had happened this morning. Luckily, he was standing guard duty today and had plenty of time to consider the situation. It really wasn't very hard to decide what he needed to do, but his instinct to be completely self sufficient wasn't so easy to overcome and a part of him fought against his decision all day. 

Ray noticed his nervousness at once, of course, but he managed to deflect the questions until they got back to the apartment. This was one conversation he wanted to be sure was private. 

As soon as they got through the door Ray turned to him. "OK Benny, you want to tell me what's eating you now? Is it something to do with this morning? I thought we'd got that sorted out." 

"Oh, we have... I'll just get Fraser settled first, if you don't mind. Then we can talk." 

"Sure, whatever..." Ray was showing signs of retreating behind that facade of indifference again. The one he always put on when something important was bothering him. Strange how he could be so vocal about minor annoyances and so quiet when he was really hurting. Ben got Fraser settled in the shade, on the floor where it was cooler, and left Dief on guard. 

The heat of summer had finally arrived and Chicago was sweltering, Ray had already pulled off his jacket and shirt and was standing by the window trying to catch a stray puff of air. Ben stripped off the red tunic and hung it carefully in the closet before going over and putting his hands on Ray's shoulders and kissing him on the back of his neck. 

Ray softened immediately, but there was still a slight edge to his voice when he spoke. "What's going on, Benny? Do we have to go through all that again?" 

"No, Ray... but there is something I wanted to discuss with you, and it _is_ related to our talk this morning." He was more nervous than ever now, afraid that he'd do something wrong and Ray would be hurt. 

Ray sighed and turned. "Well, you'd better tell me." 

"It's about you being Fraser's guardian." He paused but Ray waited in silence to hear the rest. "I don't think it's right..." He saw Ray's eyes widen and heard his sharp intake of breath. He cursed himself silently, realising he'd messed it up and done exactly what he'd most feared. "No! Ray, please listen... I'm doing this badly, it's not what you think..." He forced himself to take a deep breath and start again. "It's not enough for you just to be Fraser's guardian... you're much more than that. If you don't want to do it, I'll understand. But I think you should adopt Fraser." 

For a moment Ray didn't react at all and Ben simply waited, his heart pounding, for Ray's response. Ray closed his eyes and swayed slightly. He caught Ray by the shoulders again, then as Ray steadied, slid his hands up to his face. Ray's eyes flickered open again, staring at him speechlessly. Ben kissed him, hard and fast, then pulled him into his arms. 

"You've wanted this all along, haven't you Ray?" 

Still unable to speak, Ray nodded against his shoulder. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Ray sighed and shifted his head to look at Ben. "It had to come from you, Benny. You had to want it as much as I did or it would never have worked. You know, there's going to be things I'll want for my son..." He smiled at the sound of that. "...you might not like all of them, Benny. Are you really sure about this?" 

"I'm prepared for that, Ray. But I don't mind him being brought up Catholic." He smiled at Ray's look of surprise. "It wasn't very hard to guess you'd want that, Ray." 

"I guess not..." 

Ray was still very quiet, and Ben studied him carefully. "Ray? Is everything all right?" 

"I was just thinking... when Ange and I were still married, we thought she was pregnant once. Ma was so happy that I was finally giving her a grandson... the first kid had to be a boy as far as she was concerned..." 

It made his heart ache to hear the sadness in Ray's voice. "We could tell her, Ray. Perhaps she just needed some time to get used to the idea of us being together." 

"No, Benny. You can't put this one right, just leave it." 

Ben tightened his arms around Ray and kissed him again. He didn't know what he could say that would help and he hated to watch Ray hurting. The best he could hope to do was to distract him. "Would you like to celebrate, Ray? I could ask Mrs Gamez to look after Fraser, we could go out for dinner." 

"Or we could stay in and celebrate." Ray's voice trailed off suggestively. 

*

Whistling wasn't one of Ray's strong points, but today he felt like it. Not even the half overheard reference to queers in the Men's Room could spoil his happiness. Today he and Ben were meeting the lawyer to sign the final adoption papers and Fraser would officially be his son. He didn't need the legal papers to tell him how he felt, but there was no denying it was an important step they were taking. 

When Ben came in he almost burst with pride. Although Ben had been dressed in his brown uniform when they left for work, he was now wearing the red serge. And Fraser, he noticed, was wearing a new outfit, very smart... Even Dief was looking remarkable spruced up. He stayed at his desk because if he'd gone to meet them he would certainly have disgraced himself in front of everyone. 

They were waylaid by Elaine and as usual she picked Fraser up and cuddled him while she talked with Ben. He'd always known that there was nothing between Ben and Elaine, even when he'd accused Ben of having an affair with her. Now, he felt secure enough that he didn't need to torture himself with that kind of stupidity, and Elaine was one of the few who had never turned away when his relationship with Ben became common knowledge. If anything she'd become a closer friend than before. 

He heard her shriek and then she threw her free arm around Ben's neck and kissed him on the cheek, causing him to blush madly and drawing the attention of the whole room. He guessed that Ben had told her about the adoption. He hadn't told anybody, superstitiously preferring to wait until after it was done. He was going to get hell from Elaine over that... 

She was coming toward him now, with Ben following helplessly behind. He had to admit she was smart, she put Fraser into his arms so that he couldn't fend off her kiss. 

"It's wonderful news, Ray! Now tell me why I had to hear it from Ben, before I kill you." 

"Hey! I was planning on telling you... afterwards, when it's official. Besides, I didn't want it spoiled by some creep telling me a couple of fairies shouldn't be allowed to bring up a kid." 

Elaine nodded her understanding, but behind her Ben frowned. "Has someone said that to you, Ray?" 

"Not in so many words, but there's plenty of them who'll think it." He caught sight of Shelley across the room. "Like her... Haven't you noticed the way she avoids us?" 

"She just seemed rather busy, I thought." 

He scowled. "Wrong. The other day when you were here? I caught her looking at us, she looked like she was turning green. I don't know what she thought we were gonna do... maybe have sex on the desk or something..." 

Ben was blushing again, and Elaine was laughing. His bad mood evaporated. Today was just too special to be spoiled by that kind of small-mindedness. 

*

It was very late and the apartment was in darkness. Ray eased himself in the door, saw Dief lift his head briefly and then go back to sleep. He slipped off his shoes and socks, enjoying the coolness of the floor under his bare feet, and padded over to the bed. 

There was more than enough light coming in from the street to see. Ben was asleep of course, the covers thrown back from his sprawled body. Ray stood by the bed making the most of the view as he undressed, but he hadn't got very far when Ben woke. 

"Hey, Benny." He sat on the edge of the bed and it was then that he caught the faint, familiar scent. Ben was looking embarrassed, refusing to meet his eyes. Ray grinned delightedly, Benny had been a naughty boy, had he? He leaned down to kiss him. "So, what have you been doing Benny?" 

He thought that Ben blushed though it was hard to tell, the light wasn't that good. He took pity on his lover. "Couldn't sleep, huh?" 

"No... Ray, you don't mind?" 

Ray grinned again. "Why should I?" He kissed Ben again. "Wish I'd been here to watch though..." He murmured the words in Ben's ear, then sat back to see his reaction. 

Ben's eyes widened and then became thoughtful. "You're here now, Ray." 

Ray choked on a spurt of laughter, this was the last thing he would have expected from Ben. But then nothing about his lover was predictable. He kissed him once more, slowly this time, drawing it out. "So, what do you do, Benny? Do you think about me? Or Tom Cruise?" 

"You, of course." Ben sounded offended. 

Ray grinned. "You're _so_ faithful, Benny... and then?" 

Ben hesitated. "...I usually have my eyes closed, Ray." 

"OK." 

Ben closed his eyes. "I think about us kissing..." He frowned a little and then relaxed. His fingers brushed lightly against his lips. Ray swallowed, the gesture looked so sensual he was already becoming aroused. Ben continued to brush the tips of his fingers over his face and lips, lingering sometimes, then sliding down his throat. 

"What are you thinking about now, Benny?" Ray's voice was hoarse, he swallowed again, amused at his own reactions. 

"About the way your lips feel... warm, moist... firm with just a touch of softness... the way you nibble with your teeth... so gently I can hardly feel it..." He sighed and drew his fingers down to his nipple, stroking and squeezing it. He frowned again. "Too dry..." 

Ray reached over and brought Ben's hand up to his mouth, licking the fingers and then replacing them on Ben's chest. "Better?" 

"Mmm, yes." Ben smiled faintly, his fingers sliding easily across the hard tip, teasing a shiver out of himself. Ray bit back a groan and glanced down Ben's body to where his cock was stirring sluggishly. 

"What am I doing now, Benny?" 

"You're sucking my nipple... harder... oh, please... and touching me... here..." His other hand moved over his abdomen, just below the breast bone, palm flat. Ray could hear the faint whisper of skin against skin. He wanted very badly to touch that smooth flesh, but that would have spoiled what Ben was doing for him. 

"Ohhh... ohh, yes..." Ben's hand was moving downwards again. He drew in his breath sharply as the muscles of his stomach contracted. His hand continued down to his hip, resting gently on the prominence of the bone while the thumb brushed lightly across the flatness of his belly. Ray moaned softly, imagining the feel of that silky skin under his hand. 

"Kiss me, Ray..." It was hardly more than a sigh. Ben's eyes opened briefly, staring up at him. Ray moved, then hesitated, but Ben nodded slightly, offering his mouth as his eyes flickered closed again. Ray bent over and placed his mouth over Ben's parted lips. 

He lost himself in the soft moistness, the sweet suck and press of their joined lips, the slow exploration of that generous mouth, the slippery caress of his tongue against Ben's. Ben moaned and it seemed to him that he could feel the vibration of it all through his body. Heat flared, golden in the darkness behind his eyelids and he realised that his eyes were closed too. 

The urge to look again grew too strong to be resisted, and Ray withdrew reluctantly from the kiss, his heart pounding. Ben's hand was slowly caressing the inside of his raised thigh, not quite reaching his groin before reversing direction. 

"Ohh, Ray ..." Ben's hand finally slid up to cradle his balls and Ray felt his own tighten in sympathy with the touch. His cock was aching fiercely and he wondered if it was against the rules for him to join in. He decided he didn't care about the rules and began to pull off his clothes with trembling hands. 

When he looked up again, Ben was watching him. He slid his pants and briefs down off his hips and let them slide to the floor, kicking them away. Ben had both his hands at his groin now, one massaging his balls, the other moving smoothly along the shaft of his cock. Ray's own cock was quivering with tension, seeming to reach up towards his hand as he hesitated. But Ben smiled at him, a sweet, open smile, inviting him to continue. 

He began to mirror Ben's movements, imagining it was Ben's cock and balls in his hands, Ben's hands touching him. Soon though, he saw the tell-tale tremors in Ben's body, the faint frown as he fought for control. Ray slid onto the bed taking Ben into his arms and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "It's OK, Benny, just let go..." and held him as the waves of his orgasm crashed over him. 

The simple beauty of it was stunning. For long moments he just held his lover, whispering endearments, his own arousal forgotten. Then Ben turned his head to look at him and the heavy gaze reawakened every sensation. He needed completion, badly. 

He swung his body up and over Ben's, straddling his thighs. A brief pause to check with Ben and then he pressed his hips forward, driving his cock along the softening length below him. But after a moment Ben caught him by the hips and guided him downwards between his legs. He stopped dead then, wanting to be sure of what Ben was telling him. Ben simply raised his thighs, parting them still further. 

A moan slid free of his lips and he bent his head to kiss the still heaving belly. The taste of sweat and semen gave him an idea and he slid his fingers through the sticky mess and applied it to his cock. There was, quite simply, no time to be lost... he pressed against the opening to his lover's body and slid smoothly inside. 

He nearly lost it then, but somehow gathered the control to push himself to his full depth and stay there unmoving, until the urge to thrust mindlessly, violently, into that burning heat subsided. Ben's legs closed tightly around him and he let himself fall into the waiting arms as though they were a refuge from the madness. Gradually the wildness faded, but not the need... he began to move, while Ben's hands guided him into an insistent driving rhythm. He could feel every response of that beautiful body beneath him, could see it in Ben's face as he touched him in the depths of his body. It was that as much as the tightness, or the delicious friction against the surface of his cock, that sent him over. 

They were lying in a tangled sweaty mass, so hot that even the warm night air felt cool as it moved silkily against their bodies. They would have been cooler if they'd separated, but they stayed, unmoving except for their laboured breathing. Finally Ray found the strength from somewhere to raise his head. 

"God, Benny... I was going to apologise for working so late..." 

There was a warm, rich chuckle that shook the chest he was lying on. "I think you should work late more often Ray." A large, gentle hand slid down his back and curved over his butt. 

"Are you kidding? It'd kill me... How about I finish early tomorrow and we go to the park?" 

*

When the air started to cool later in the evenings, they had got into the habit of going for a walk in the park, with Fraser in his stroller, enjoying the faint breeze which stirred the leaves and cooled them just a little. Tonight the breeze was a little stronger than usual and they lay down on the grass under the trees with Fraser stripped to his diaper and undershirt on a rug between them. Dief had wandered off, probably in search of food scraps, and Ray decided it was time to try once again to convince Ben to move to a better neighbourhood. He wasn't getting very far. 

"God, Benny! What is it with you? That apartment building's a health hazard. Nothing works, it's rat infested and the neighbourhood stinks. Literally." 

"But Ray, it's not as bad as you think. Dief's got rid of most of the rats... and besides, the neighbours are all very friendly, and Mrs Gamez is there to baby-sit Fraser. It's not easy to find a reliable baby-sitter..." 

"There's Elaine. She's offered to look after him anytime." 

"Well, of course. But we can't always impose on her. And she may not always be available." 

Ray sighed irritatedly. "Be honest Benny. You just don't want to move." 

"Well, no Ray. I don't." 

Ray sat up and flung his hands in the air. The light was starting to fade, he noticed. Normally he wouldn't care, but with Fraser along, he was inclined to be more cautious. 

"Let's go home. It's time junior here was in bed." 

But Ben didn't move. "Does it mean so much to you, Ray?" 

Ray hesitated. He didn't much like the apartment, but it held a lot of special memories for him, and he knew Ben liked living there, among the friends he'd made. Mostly he was concerned for Fraser, growing up in a dangerous neighbourhood, but that wasn't an immediate problem. "I guess it's OK, for now... but I don't want Fraser going to school around here. It's not safe for kids, there's drugs and gangs everywhere. As long as you agree to move away when he's older, I don't mind... much... Anyway, we're going to need a bedroom for him before much longer. He'll start noticing things." 

Ben looked puzzled for a moment, then blushed a little when Ray grinned wickedly. "Oh. I hadn't thought about that." 

"Well think about it Benny." Ray grinned even wider then leaned forward and kissed him. 

"Ray!" Ben looked around, but couldn't see anyone. The park seemed completely deserted. They packed up the things they'd brought and set off, Ben carrying Fraser, while Ray pushed the empty stroller. Dief was nowhere in sight, but they knew he'd catch up. 

It was while they were on the path to the main gate that Ray realised they were being followed. At first he was only aware of a presence off to their right, but soon he realised there were others behind and to the left. Still, a few kids didn't seem much of a threat... then he saw more of them ahead, coming towards them down the pathway. 

"Benny..." He kept his voice low. 

"I know. We won't make it to the gate. I think we should head for the passageway, there's only two of them in that direction." 

Ray didn't ask how he knew. He'd learnt to trust Ben's abilities in that area. He picked up the stroller, it was light but he could use it as a weapon. Fraser had started to cry, no doubt sensing their fear. They cut across the grass towards the two youths and Ray swung the stroller at the nearest kid, knocking him flying while Ben shouldered the other boy out of the way, carefully protecting Fraser in his arms. Then they ran. 

"Get the faggots!" The kids following them broke into a run as well, hurling abuse. Good, it would slow them down in this heat if they were wasting their breath instead of saving it for running. 

They'd almost reached the passageway, and were drawing a little way ahead when another small group came from behind some bushes. Ray knew they could get past them, but it would cut their advantage to nothing. For the first time, he felt really scared. If it had just been the two of them, they could have fought even a group that size, but not with Fraser there. 

They both put on a spurt of speed, it would get them to the passageway ahead of the new group, but then they'd have to slow down or be completely winded. Just as they got there, Dief came flying out of nowhere to join them. Ray began to feel a little better, maybe they had a chance now. 

*

Ben was several metres into the passageway before he realised that Ray had stopped. He turned and saw him outlined against the opening. Dief had stopped between them. 

"Ray!" 

"Get Fraser outta here, Benny!" 

"You can't fight them all." 

"I can hold them off for a while... for God's sake _go_." 

He could see the gang gathering just outside the passageway, sure of themselves now, stalking their prey. He couldn't leave Ray. But he couldn't let Fraser be hurt, either. How could he choose between his lover and his son? He saw Ray smile. 

"He's my son too, Benny... I've got the right to protect him. Get him outta here." 

It was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, to turn and run down the passageway. Dief was at his heels, but once they cleared the other end, he stopped. There was no sign of any trouble. 

"Dief, go back. Help Ray." 

He could already hear the sounds of fighting echoing down the passageway. He turned again and ran for the nearest hope of help, Fraser screaming now, in his arms. 

He ran flat out, holding nothing back. He had to get help for Ray, but it seemed an appallingly long time before he saw a couple of orange warden's vests in the distance. By the time he got to them, he was badly winded. He thrust the frantic baby into Mr Ruben's arms and managed to gasp out what had happened. Then he turned and ran back the way he'd come, not even waiting for them to radio for help. 

*

It was too quiet when he got back to the passageway, he could barely hear a thing above the sound of his own breathing, and the knot of people he could see at the other end were not moving around enough for it to be a real fight. He managed to put on one last spurt and cannoned into the group, knocking several flying. He stumbled over something and turned. Ray was lying at his feet, blood pooling under his head. 

The gang was regrouping. Two of them were hanging back, one of them clutching his arm. It seemed that Ray had made quite an impact, there were fewer of them here now, but still too many. They'd been kicking Ray while he was down, he realised, and took a stand straddling the motionless body. No time to check him, and no sign of Dief at all. 

They closed in around him and he soon found that he couldn't protect Ray from them, there were just too many. The attack would come first from one side then the other, and there was always someone free to sneak in a kick at the prone figure. There was only one way he could protect Ray and he took it, dropping down to cover him with his own body. He tried not to think about what would happen to Fraser if they both died. 

There was a brief hiatus as the gang took in this new development and then they closed around him. He tried to cover his head and Ray's with his arms, but there was nothing he could do about the rest of his body. Within seconds he was feeling numb from the blows, and was ready to give up hope. Then he heard the siren, still very distant, but on its way. His attackers heard it too. They got in a few more kicks and then fled. 

He levered himself off Ray's body and began checking for a pulse, fear making him clumsy. He found one, faint and thready, just as the first police car pulled up. 

"Call for an ambulance!" His voice was hoarse, he hardly recognised it himself. 

The cop took one look at Ray's battered face and swore under his breath. He signalled to his partner to make the call. A second car had joined them, and its occupants spread out looking for the gang. 

The first cop knelt beside Ray. "You know this guy?" 

Ben nodded. He was afraid to move Ray so he took hold of his hand. It was swollen, the knuckles cracked and bloody. He stroked the long slender fingers. 

"What's his name? We'll have to notify his family." 

"I'm his next of kin." He caught the cop's look then, all too familiar... "He's Det Ray Vecchio, 27th Precinct. You'd better let Lt Welsh know about this." 

The cop's eyes widened, he'd heard of them obviously. Probably the whole Chicago PD had. "You're the Mountie?" 

"Yes." 

"I'm sorry." 

He didn't respond, just felt again for Ray's pulse, that fragile reassurance that he was still alive. In the distance he heard the sound of the ambulance siren. 

*

The paramedics were gathered around Ray, excluding him. He needed something, anything, to do but couldn't think beyond his fear for Ray. Then he remembered Dief. How could he have forgotten? The cop, standing beside him, noticed his start. 

"My wolf. Has anyone seen him?" 

"Wolf?" 

The cop, his name still unknown, hadn't heard about that, then. But he was willing to help with the search. They found Dief under a bush, he must have crawled there. Or been kicked out of the way. Ben knelt beside him, seeking a pulse, finding it when he was almost on the point of giving up. He glanced back towards the ambulance, they were loading the gurney into it. 

"I can get him to a vet for you." The cop had caught his look. 

He pulled out his wallet, there was a card in there with the vet's address. He handed it over and then he remembered Fraser. It felt as though his life was in pieces, he couldn't quite hold them together, each part had to be dealt with as best he could manage when he remembered it. 

"Who's Fraser? The wolf?" By the sound of the officer's voice it wasn't the first time he'd asked. 

"My... our son. The wardens have got him, they'll take him to the community centre." It was becoming increasingly difficult to think. "Could you call the Precinct, please? Ask for Elaine Besbriss, ask if she'll go get him for me." 

"Sure." The cop headed back to the car and Ben followed with Dief in his arms. They got him settled on the back seat and then Ben ran for the ambulance. He got there just in time and pushed his way in past the paramedic's objections without a hint of apology. Ray would be proud of him. 

*

At the hospital it was more of the same.. The not always polite disbelief when he claimed next of kin status, the "I'm sorry, we can only discuss this with his family" routine. He kept his temper, with an effort that surprised him, and didn't back down. He followed the gurney into the Emergency room and simply refused to budge. He watched as the damaged body was stripped and prepped for surgery and tried not to remember making love with that same body only last night. 

Finally a surgeon came over. "You'll have to leave now. I'm sorry." 

"How bad is it?" His voice was too calm. Shock, he supposed, and started to list in his mind the measures that needed to be taken... hot drink, blankets... He realised that the surgeon was talking. 

"...no serious damage to the kidneys, but the spleen is ruptured." He hesitated, then went on. "You should know that he may not survive, and if he does, there may be brain damage... We'll only know the extent of it when he wakes..." 

He allowed himself to be ushered out by an orderly. Lt Welsh was in the waiting room, he came over straight away, took hold of his arm and led him to a seat. "What's happening?" 

"They're operating on him. He has a ruptured spleen, possible brain damage, I'm not sure what else. They don't know if he'll live." 

Welsh was gone for a while, then he was back with two cups of coffee. Ben found that his hands were shaking badly. He gulped the coffee. Amazingly it was hot, burning his mouth, but the small pain helped him focus his mind. 

"Can you identify your attackers?" 

"Oh, yes. They're all locals. I've given the investigating officers a couple of names to start with." 

They sat in silence then, until Elaine arrived with Fraser. It was all he could do not to snatch the baby from her. She passed him over and he held the squirming unsettled infant in his arms, pressing his face against the dark hair, turning away from Elaine and Welsh's silent understanding. Gradually Fraser calmed and dropped into a light doze while Ben stroked his back and Ben began to feel like he was capable of dealing with the decisions that had to be made. 

He looked at Welsh, wondering what Ray would have wanted, but really, there was no choice. "Sir, could you call the Vecchio family? If I try, they'll hang up on me." 

"Of course. I'll do it right away." 

Elaine was staring at him. "After the way they've treated you, I'm surprised you'd have anything to do with them." 

"I don't suppose I will have anything to do with them, but I have to let them know about Ray. In case..." He couldn't finish that thought, even in his mind. He didn't want Elaine there, nor anybody else. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts, but there were other things that needed to be done... 

"Elaine, could you possibly... I know you've already done a lot for us..." 

"What is it Ben?" 

"I'm going to need some things for Fraser from the apartment. I'll be staying here tonight." 

"OK. I've got a pretty good idea what you'll need. I'll be right back." She smiled at him, and he flinched from the sympathy in her eyes. 

He paced up and down hoping that it would keep Fraser soothed and quiet, but his arms and shoulders were aching and after a while he had to sit. Welsh came back, but he didn't want to know what had happened. He'd done what he could, and it was up to the Vecchios now. As soon as the ache in his arms subsided he stood up and began to pace again. 

*

Francesca Vecchio came racing down the hallway, still in jeans and a T-shirt after a day at the beach. She'd been the only one home when Welsh had called, Ma had gone with Maria, Tony and the kids to visit Tony's family and wouldn't be back until late. 

Ray had been hospitalised before, but this time it sounded bad. Bad enough that she didn't even consider her mother's decision not to have any contact with her errant brother. She'd always had a turbulent relationship with Ray... he'd bossed her around, she'd retaliated in the annoying ways that only kid sisters can... but there'd always been a bond between them. 

Still, she should have realised that he would be there. He was the first thing she saw... tall, dark-haired, dressed like her in jeans and T-shirt, though his were filthy. He was pacing, his back turned to her. Benton Fraser, the man she'd once thought she loved... her brother's lover. 

He turned, all his attention centred on the baby in his arms. She'd forgotten about the baby, couldn't even think of its name for a moment. Then he looked up, and she saw the strain on his face and knew it was as bad or worse than she'd feared. 

Lt Welsh came over and started to explain what had happened, as far as he knew, and how badly Ray had been hurt. Benton just stood there staring at her and trying not to show it. She realised she had walked away from Welsh without saying a word. She stopped in front of him. 

"Thank you for letting us know. I appreciate it." 

He looked away from her. "I wasn't sure if any of you would come." 

"He's my brother." 

His voice was low, angry. "You mean, he used to be." 

The baby stirred against his shoulder, whimpering in distress and Benton shifted his attention back to the child, turning away and beginning to pace again. She went after him and began to walk alongside. 

"Tell me what happened." 

He looked at her, his face shuttered, giving nothing away now. "We were attacked by a gang of youths. Ray stayed behind so I could get Fraser away safely. I went back as soon as I could..." His voice tailed away. 

She saw the guilt in his eyes and was moved by it. "He's your son. You had to do it." 

"He's _our_ son. Ray's and mine... It was the last thing he said." 

This time, when he turned away she let him go. 

*

Elaine returned about an hour later with a large bag full of baby things and some clean clothes for him. First priority was to feed Fraser and change him. It wasn't easy, he was still very unsettled and fretful, but finally he slept, wrapped in a light blanket and Ben was able to hand him over to Elaine to hold while he changed out of his clothes. 

The nearest bathroom was way down the hall, he didn't want to go that far in case something happened. It seemed embarrassment was a luxury he couldn't afford right now, so he simply turned his back on them and peeled off his T-shirt, filthy with dirt and dried blood, and dropped it beside the bag. There was a gasp from behind him, and Elaine came over. 

"I think you should get a doctor to see to that, Ben." 

"It's nothing, just bruises." 

She wasn't giving up that easily. "I don't know... they look pretty bad." 

He hadn't noticed Welsh leave, but now he was coming back, a nurse in tow. He tried to argue but Welsh simply overrode his objections. 

"That's an order, Constable. Besides, we'll need photos, for evidence, so you might as well be examined at the same time." 

The nurse chipped in too. "There won't be any news for quite a while Mr Fraser, and if anything happens we'll know where you are." He smiled reassuringly, and Ben reluctantly allowed himself to be led away. 

*

When he got back to the waiting area nothing had changed. He took Fraser back from Elaine and went to sit away from the others. It was nearly midnight before the surgeon came back. It took quite an effort to stand, not only because of his reluctance to hear the worst. He was only marginally aware of Frannie coming to stand at his side. 

The surgeon looked at the baby curiously, then got down to business. "It went quite well, considering. He's lost a lot of blood of course, but we're replacing that. The only real concern is the head injuries, the skull's fractured, and we've had to operate to relieve pressure on the brain. If he makes it through till morning, he's got a good chance. But it may be several days before he regains consciousness, then we'll be able to assess his situation." 

"Thank you. He'll be in intensive care?" 

The surgeon nodded sympathetically. "But I'm afraid only immediate family can go there." 

"I _am_ his family. He's my partner, this child is our son." Anger, fierce and burning, welled up threatening to tear all his control away. The surgeon looked unconvinced. 

Frannie stepped forward. "Excuse me just a minute here, I'm Ray's sister." 

Ben stared at her, shocked, feeling betrayed... but really, how could he have expected anything else? 

The surgeon looked relieved. "Well, if you're willing to give permission..." 

"He doesn't need my permission. You heard what he said." 

Ben turned to her, unable to speak for a moment. "Francesca... Thank you." 

"It's the truth isn't it? We haven't been much of a family these last few weeks." 

"Ray doesn't want it that way. Neither do I." He hesitated, wanting to make some kind of a gesture. "Would you hold Fraser for me, for a while?" 

Tears spilled over, but she pulled herself together with an effort. "Sure." 

He passed Fraser over to her, very conscious of the surgeon waiting, watching them both, and turned to follow him to the IC unit. 

*

He hated this... they'd both been here too often, there was too much pain, too many memories of waiting to know if someone you loved would survive. The lights were turned low, but he could still see far too clearly the damage that had been done. Most frightening of all were the dressings wrapped around Ray's head. The rest of the injuries, terrible as they seemed, would heal eventually, leaving little or no outward trace. The thought of Ray suffering permanent brain damage terrified him. He knew what could happen... loss of memory, loss of physical control, even radical changes of personality could result from these kinds of injuries. Even if Ray recovered, would he be the same Ray that Ben loved so much, would he still want what they'd had together? He stepped closer and took Ray's hand in his, stroking the long fingers. 

After a few minutes a nurse came in and touched him gently on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, you'll have to leave now." 

*

They were all waiting for him out in the hallway, all looking to him to tell them about Ray. He couldn't. He went to Francesca and took Fraser back, almost dropping him, when he took his weight into his aching arms. 

"Are you all right Ben?" It was Elaine, but he was too busy trying to calm his suddenly awakened and frightened son to answer her. It took a long time, and another bottle of formula to quieten him and then he was able to sit and ease the strain on his shoulders. 

"Let me hold him, Ben. You must be pretty sore, would you like me to get some aspirin or something from the nurse?" 

"No. But thank you, Elaine. I'll be fine." He didn't want to let go of Fraser. His son felt like his only link to the life that had been shattered by this attack, a life he might never get back. He understood now how Ray had felt... if Ray died, Fraser would be all he had left. The prospect of that filled him with dread. He'd lost the last of his family when his father died and then, almost miraculously, he'd been given a new family. Now, remembering the discussion he'd had with Ray about this very possibility, he wondered how he would find the strength to continue alone. He pressed his face against Fraser's dark hair and fought for control. 

Lt Welsh and Elaine left soon afterwards, much to his relief. He'd felt constrained by their presence, as though he were their host, and he couldn't help wondering what Ray would have said... something sarcastic about Canadian politeness, he was sure. Then there was just Francesca. He would have preferred that she left too, but he could hardly ask her to do so, she was Ray's sister after all. 

He thought back over the last few weeks, remembering all that Ray had suffered because of his family's rejection. He hadn't realised how angry their behaviour had made him, until Francesca had called Ray her brother. Still, she had seemed to accept their relationship when she stood up to the surgeon on his behalf. Since then he'd hardly spoken to her, partly because he didn't have the energy to deal with her, partly because he had no idea what to say. 

She was standing by the water cooler, her arms folded across her chest. She looked up and caught him watching and after a moment came over and sat beside him. 

"I'm sorry." She saw his blank look. "About the way we've treated you both... I was pretty ticked off about the two of you... being together, I mean." 

He didn't know what to say, but it seemed she didn't expect him to speak. "You really love him, don't you? It's not just..." 

He looked at her directly. "Just sex? No, it's not. We'd planned..." He couldn't go on. They'd planned to spend the rest of their lives together, he didn't want to believe that the rest of Ray's life might be measured in hours rather than years. 

"You said he's Ray's son." Francesca indicated Fraser, still sleeping against his shoulder. 

"Ray adopted him. We signed the papers last week. He loves Fraser too, and he needed to be part of a family again." 

Francesca looked away. When she turned back her eyes were wet. "Was it very bad for him?" 

"Yes." He hesitated. "It wasn't all your fault, I didn't help him as much as I should have. I didn't really understand what he was going through." 

"I guess it wasn't easy for you either." 

He closed his eyes, remembering... it had been a nightmare. He'd rarely felt so helpless in his life as he had then, watching Ray hurting so badly and being powerless to prevent it. Then, just as they'd found some peace, their lives had been shattered by this senseless violence. 

"Francesca, have you told your mother what's happened?" 

"She wasn't home... I was the only one there. I called a while ago and told Maria, she didn't think it would be a good idea to tell Ma tonight." She didn't meet his eyes. 

"He may not last the night, Francesca. Are you sure about this?" 

"I don't think she's gonna change her mind, Benton. You don't know what she's been like since Ray told us about the two of you." 

"Ray's her _son_ , for God's sake!" Fraser stirred against him, roused by the sharpness of his voice. He got up and walked up and down until Fraser settled again. He was shaking with anger, almost unable to believe what Francesca had told him. He didn't go back to her until he had calmed down a little. "I'm sorry, Francesca. What are you going to do?" 

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'll talk to Maria when I get home." 

"You should go. There's nothing you can do tonight." 

"What are you going to do?" 

"We'll stay." 

*

He must have been dozing... a hand touched his shoulder lightly, startling him. "Mr Fraser? You'd better come." 

His heart began a panicked syncopation. He glanced at the clock on the far wall. It was 4:15 am. He stood, drawing the blanket more firmly around Fraser, and followed the nurse into Ray's room. 

He could sense the change since the last time they'd let him come in. Not for the better. He went to stand beside the bed, forcing himself to ignore all the medical paraphernalia that was keeping Ray alive. 

"Would you like me to take the baby?" 

"No. Thank you." It was an effort to remember even the common politeness that he'd thought was ingrained into his soul. He took Ray's hand, as he had before and stood holding it. He could almost feel Ray's life draining away, measured by the increasingly erratic beeping of the monitor. He was only vaguely aware of the nurse leaving the room. 

"Ray? We're both here, Ray... don't leave us... please. Fraser needs you. I need you... stay with us, Ray." He stopped, unable to speak past the fear that gripped him. He forced himself to breathe deeply, trying to calm himself. He thought he could feel something waiting, waiting to take Ray away from him. Suddenly he found a stillness inside himself, a place where anything was possible. 

"Ray, I won't let you go. You belong here, with me and Fraser. You have to come back to us. I won't allow you to die." He started to shake uncontrollably, disturbing Fraser who began to wail. Whatever certainty he'd felt had completely disappeared and he wondered how he could have been so idiotic as to believe he could prevent Ray's death with a few meaningless words. But Ray didn't die, and half an hour later the doctors decided his condition had stabilised, he'd survived the crisis. 

He survived the next one too, and the one after that... 

*

It was mid morning before he could bring himself to leave the hospital, even though the doctors were now cautiously optimistic about Ray's chances. In the end he had no choice, one of the nurses warned him that the Children's Protective Services would have to be called if he kept Fraser at the hospital. He simply had to find someone to look after Fraser for him. 

Luckily Mrs Gamez, once she had got over her shock at news of the attack, was more than willing to care for him, and Ben knew that the money he would be paying her was badly needed. While he was organising things, Mr Mustafi came to call him to the phone. 

"Benton? They told me at the hospital you'd gone home." It was Francesca. 

"I needed to arrange care for Fraser. The doctors think Ray's out of danger." He still felt weak with relief whenever he thought about how close Ray had come to dying. 

"I know." 

There was a strained silence. Finally he forced himself to ask the only question he wanted answered. "Francesca, have you told your mother yet?" 

"I don't need to. I was talking to Maria about it and she came into my room. She must have heard everything, but she didn't say a word." 

"Francesca..." 

"No! I can't do it. She knows, and she'll make up her own mind, OK? Ma won't listen to anything I say to her about it." 

"All right. I understand, Francesca." 

He needed to call the vet, to check on Dief. The wolf was awake and suffering nothing worse that a few cracked ribs and some bruising. He'd need to stay for a few days for observation, but that was a blessing, given the circumstances. 

He'd hardly hung up the phone when it rang again. For him. This time it was Elaine, somehow Welsh had managed to get the case assigned to the 27th Precinct... he was needed to identify the attackers from a line-up, and to make his statement. 

*

He took Fraser with him to the Precinct, wanting to keep him close as long as he could. He had no idea how long Ray would be in ICU, or how often he'd be able to get away to see Fraser. 

Telling the story over again, in detail this time, made him sick to his stomach. He kept seeing Ray's battered body lying on the Emergency Room table, kept hearing the beeping of the monitors in ICU. It was a gruelling session, not even the sympathetic handling of the interviewing detectives was much help. Identifying the suspects was even worse, though it was easy enough to pick them out. They looked so young and harmless, scared as they were now. 

As he was leaving, Huey and a few others came over to talk to him, most just watched. He felt a surge of anger. These were Ray's fellow officers, but even now they couldn't put aside their prejudices to wish him well. He met Elaine's eyes across the room, she'd been busy on something and they hadn't had a chance to talk, but he couldn't wait. He desperately needed to be back at Ray's side. 

*

"You know, it just isn't right." 

Elaine turned to Shelley, seeing the young woman staring after Ben's back as he went through the door. She raised her eyebrows, she knew Shelley didn't approve of gays, and the comment surprised her. 

Shelley caught her look. "They shouldn't be allowed to raise that baby. God only knows what they'll teach the poor thing when he's older." 

Elaine stared at her in shock. "Ray's in hospital, maybe dying, and you want to take his kid off him?" Her voice was quite loud by the end, people were staring. 

Shelley's jaw set stubbornly. "It's indecent. I know it was against the law, but you can hardly blame those boys for what they did." 

The sound of the slap stopped everyone in their tracks. Elaine walked away, her hand stinging. Not as painfully, she hoped, as Shelley's cheek. 

*

At two am even the ICU was quiet and dimly lit. It wasn't difficult, even for an elderly Italian woman, to sneak into one of the rooms. She hadn't had a moment's peace since this morning when she'd heard her two daughters furtively discussing their brother's situation. Her first instinct, quickly suppressed, had been to rush to the hospital, but two things had stopped her. She had to set an example, as the matriarch of the family... and she wasn't sure that Ray would want her to be there. She had thrown him out of the family, after all. 

She'd never allowed her family to see what that had cost her in sleepless nights and tears. She was sure she'd done the right thing, the only thing she could do, but it wasn't any easier now than it had been all those weeks ago. She prayed for him every day, attended early mass every day and the rest of the time tried to put him out of her mind. Now this had happened. She wasn't sure if it was God's punishment on Ray for his sin, or on her. If she'd been a better mother surely none of this would have happened. 

Ray's room was quite dark and it wasn't until she reached the bed that she could see how badly he'd been beaten. She caught her breath, fighting her shock at the sight of him, her hand instinctively going out to touch him and then stopping at the last moment. She still half felt that she shouldn't have come, and one of the things she had promised herself, or perhaps God, was that she would not touch him. She had come here to pray for his soul should he die and for his repentance if God should spare him, not touching her son was part of the bargain, a penance for her own failings. 

She drew out her rosary and began her prayers, using the comforting Latin phrases only half understood but somehow more appropriate than plain English. The only sound in the room was the soft whisper of her voice and the beeping of the monitor. 

It didn't take long. She slipped the rosary back into her purse and looked at her son one last time. That was when she realised they were not the only two people in the room. A slight stirring drew her attention and she saw a shadowed figure move in a chair placed in a dark corner, the pale face immediately recognisable. Benton Fraser, the young man she had adopted into her family and who had seduced her son into sin. 

She hadn't expected him to be here, had been only too ready to believe the worst of him... She went over to stand in front of him, not sure what she was going to do. But when she got there she could see the dark shadows under his eyes, the strain on his face even when he slept. Reluctantly, she admitted to herself that Benton must truly love Ray to keep a vigil over him, even to the point of exhaustion. It didn't make any difference to her decision, but it helped somehow, to know that Ray had one person to care for him. 

*

Ray was showing signs that he might wake soon. After three seemingly endless days of waiting for this, Ben was keyed up to the point that he simply couldn't keep still. He paced up and down the small room restlessly, afraid to leave even for a moment in case Ray should wake while he was alone. He forced himself to sit in a chair beside the bed, take Ray's hand in his and just wait. 

Even then, he nearly missed it. One moment Ray's eyes were closed, the next they were open, looking at him dazedly. 

"Ray?" He whispered the name, wondering if Ray would even know him, but Ray blinked and smiled sleepily at him. He stroked the bruised cheek lightly. 

"Hey, Benny..." Ray's voice was just a weak croak, he frowned slightly. 

Ben spooned a few ice chips into his mouth, not letting go of his hand for a moment. He watched anxiously as Ray sucked on the ice then swallowed. "Better?" 

Ray nodded and winced. "You gonna tell me what happened?" 

"How much do you remember?" He waited while Ray frowned again. 

"Last thing I remember was signing the adoption papers... we did that, didn't we Benny?" 

"Yes... oh, Ray..." Suddenly he was fighting back tears. 

"What's wrong Benny? Has something happened to Fraser?" Ray was looking frightened and Ben hurriedly reassured him. 

"No. He's fine, Mrs Gamez is looking after him. It's just... the doctors thought there might be memory loss. I was afraid..." 

Ray grinned weakly. "As if I'd forget the best thing that's ever happened to me." 

"Am I, Ray? Am I really?" 

Ray's eyes were closing despite his efforts. "Sure y'are, Benny..." 

*

The next time Ray woke, there was a small horde of doctors waiting to run tests on him. Ben was forced, protesting, from the room. 

An hour and a half later Ben was allowed back in. Ray looked exhausted, and angry. The doctors wandered out looking pleased. A lone nurse was left to tidy up and explain. 

"Mr Vecchio's a very lucky man. There's only minor damage to the brain, causing a slight weakness on the left side of the body. Nothing that a little physiotherapy can't fix. He'll be as good as new in a few weeks." 

Ben looked at Ray, who was muttering under his breath. It was better news than he'd ever dared to hope for, he went over and sat on the edge of the bed, taking hold of Ray's hand. The muttering stopped and Ray looked up at him. 

"Guess you've been pretty worried, huh, Benny?" 

He smiled. "Just a bit." 

"You gonna kiss me, then?" 

He never needed a second invitation. The nurse gave them an amused glance as she left the room. 

*

Ben sat in the armchair making faces for Fraser and keeping one eye on Ray. He was sleeping, but then he slept a lot at the moment. This was the first time he'd been able to bring Fraser to visit. The nurses had promised to turn a blind eye, especially after Ray had started getting grouchy about the fact that he couldn't see Fraser. 

A grunt from the bed alerted him and he picked up Fraser and went over to sit on the edge. Ray struggled out of sleep, finally managing to open his eyes blearily. They lit up like beacons once he saw Fraser, though. Ben put the baby on the bed and helped Ray to sit up and eased him back against the pillows. Then he put Fraser on Ray's lap. 

Five minutes later he was sitting alongside Ray on the bed while Ray balanced Fraser against his raised knees. He put his arm carefully around Ray's shoulders, the left one had been broken, and he was treating his lover as though he was made from glass. Ray turned his head, a happy smile on his face and Ben kissed him, slow and deep. He could still hardly believe that Ray was going to be all right, it was as thought the nightmare of the last few days hadn't entirely dissipated. 

Ray stiffened suddenly against him and Ben pulled back, instantly alarmed. Then he followed Ray's stare to the door. Francesca was there. He hadn't said anything about her to Ray. Although she'd called the hospital several times, she hadn't been back since that first night and he hadn't wanted to raise hopes pointlessly. 

Francesca smiled uncertainly. "Hi Ray." 

"Frannie?" Ray's voice was shaking. 

Ben slipped off the bed, but Ray reached for him. "Don't go, Benny." 

"It's all right, Ray. I was just going to get a chair for Francesca." He was back in a minute with the chair and then sat on the bed beside Ray again, putting an arm around him protectively. 

Ray swallowed nervously. "So, how you been, Frannie?" 

"Better than you by the look of it." She grinned weakly. "Sorry I didn't get here sooner, it was kinda difficult to get away." 

Ray turned his attention back to Fraser. "That's OK. I understand." 

There was an awkward silence. 

"He's a cute kid... Benton told me you'd adopted him." 

Ray brightened. "Yeah. Just a couple of weeks ago. He's even starting to look like me." 

"Aw, the poor little thing... maybe he'll grow out of it." 

Their laughter was a little forced, but Ben could feel Ray relaxing against him. He turned his head slightly to brush his lips against Ray's temple and caught Frannie's glance. She didn't seem to be very upset by the kiss, but he looked at her inquiringly. She smiled back at him, uncomfortably. 

Ray caught some of the by-play between them. "What? What's going on?" 

"Nothing, Ray." They both spoke at once. Then their eyes met and they both started to laugh. 

*

Ben smiled as he felt Ray stir against his side, remembering the look on his face as he'd closed and locked the hospital door, then proceeded to strip off his clothes. It had been a mixture of surprise, pleasure and uncertainty, but when he had slipped into the bed, Ray had come into his arms with complete trust. Just as he had that first time they'd made love. He still didn't know what impulse had prompted him to do that, but he knew it had been the smartest move he'd ever made. 

Sex had been out of the question this time, but they'd just been told that as long as Ray continued to improve, he'd be able to leave hospital in less than a week, and Ben had felt that deserved a celebration. Besides, he needed to feel Ray's bare skin against his own. Ray still seemed so fragile. He'd lost too much weight, almost overnight, and felt shockingly light in his arms, but just holding him was a comfort. He continued to stroke the slim back absently. 

Francesca's visit a few days ago, and her return with Maria in tow yesterday had triggered a noticeable improvement in Ray, and it seemed that some of the wounds caused by his family's estrangement were beginning to heal. If only his mother would come... but that wasn't likely to happen. Ray and his sisters had avoided that topic of conversation altogether and when he'd tried to question the sisters privately, he'd been told in no uncertain terms to drop it. He shifted slightly, even thinking about it made him uncomfortable, and he had to accept, reluctantly, that Ray had been right. There were some things he just couldn't fix. 

He glanced at his watch knowing he'd have to get out of bed soon, they'd been behind a locked door for well over two hours, the hospital staff must be wondering what was going on. Or maybe they had a pretty good idea... he and Ray hadn't even attempted to hide their love for each other and the nurses had accepted their touching and kissing with remarkable equanimity. But then, they'd probably seen it all before. 

He didn't know if he'd made a move, or if Ray had somehow sensed his restlessness, but suddenly Ray was lifting his head slightly, blinking drowsily at him. He managed to steal a quick kiss before Ray's head dropped to his shoulder again, but he wasn't asleep, his hand crept across Ben's chest before veering in a downwards direction. Ben caught it, raised it to his lips for a moment and then held it still. 

"Not yet, love." 

Ray smiled against his skin. "Nothing to stop you from having a bit of fun, Benny." 

"Not yet." He rolled Ray onto his back and pushed up on one elbow to look at him. Most of the bruising around Ray's eyes had gone now, and he could look into the grey-green depths without flinching inside. He traced the full sensual lips with one fingertip. Kissed them gently. He was glad that Ray had no memory of the attack and would probably never regain it. One day he'd tell him. Not now, the memories were far too painful, but he wanted Ray to know what he'd done to protect their son. 

"What is it, Benny?" Ray was looking at him, concerned. 

"I was just thinking... You remember that discussion we had? About how I'd react if you died?" Ray reached up to touch his cheek. "I was wrong. I don't know what I'd do... I don't know if I could live without you, Ray." 

Ray pulled him down and began to stroke his hair gently. "It didn't happen, Benny. It's not gonna happen." 

"It could. It could happen to either of us." 

"It's not gonna. I won't let it. We're both gonna live until we're eighty, you hear?" 

Ben couldn't help smiling. "Yes, Ray." 

He leaned over and kissed his lover's lips, then placed a kiss over the dark nipple, needing to feel the steadily beating heart beneath. Then he slipped from the bed, located the hospital gown and helped Ray to put it on. He was turning away again to get his own clothes when Ray called him back. 

"Don't go yet Benny. Stay a bit longer." 

He got back into the bed and into Ray's embrace. They kissed for a while, cuddling together for comfort and pleasure. He began to stroke Ray's side lightly, not noticing that his hand was gradually moving lower until he touched the bare skin below the hospital gown. He would have drawn back then, but Ray moved sleepily against him. 

"Mmn... nice..." 

He let his hand move higher, under the gown, and cupped the soft genitals in his palm. A small sigh and the languid stirring of the cock under his fingers was the only response as he stroked gently. A moment later he heard a small snore. 

It was surprisingly difficult to make himself get out of the bed and dress, but he had a lot to do if Ray was coming home at the end of the week. Dief could come home from Willie's, and Mrs Gamez would have to be asked to do some cleaning and cooking for them. He'd need to arrange for more time off work, until he was sure Ray could manage. He'd have to make sure the lift was working, Ray wouldn't be able to manage the stairs. There was a lot to organise, but all that really mattered was that they were going to be a family again. 


End file.
